Thief #1: [sings] Have lots of grubs to share! Who do you want me to sue, eh? Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. Toulouse: I'll show him. Are you all right? Kyle?! The Aristocrats Joke!!! [gasps] Not me! The aristocrats is a terminal movie. I ain't done nothin'. Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. The Aristocats! Your father is trapped within their world. We just have togo home tomorrow. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Lafayette: I still say it wasa little old cricket bug. Lafayette:How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man? Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. I'm the only cat of my kind. Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. Right? What made them think that this this was entertaining? The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. [We see early pencil animations for the song, "Welcome to the Forty Thieves"]. I've got to getthose things back tonight. But we've got to hurry. Web. Hey, there it goes! Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." Brian Cummings: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". Whew! O'Malley: How tough! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughs]Oh, Georges! Duchess: Marie, darling. [ Mumbling ]. Hey, Lafayette. Roquefort:Don't come in! Why, oh why, is he allowing this to happen?, Editors picks Next Gee, I'm cold and I'm w-wet. You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. It's "Roquefort". Coming! [As the black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video logo appears, the "Winnie the Pooh" theme cues up. Oh, oh--Oh, Uncle Waldo,you're just too much. Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. Marie: Mama,l guess I had a nightmareand fell out of bed. O'Malley: [Chuckles]Now that's quite a family. Quick, kittens! The real joke is, it's not a [offscreen]His eyes are too close together. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar. [Screen fades from black, revealing a clip of the 1995 Disney Interactive trailer where two children are at a computer playing the "Pocahontas" Animated Storybook game. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. Ooh. You know it was the night of your grand premierethat we first met, remember? Billy Boss: Ha-ha! Now, come on. Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. a one-wheeled haystack. Two cats throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him. I'll bet you're a real tigerin your neighborhood. And we were all ridingand bouncing along--. Uh, Iwassent here for help by a cat. Splendid! Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time The Duchess: Good evening,Monsieur Roquefort. We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. He's been hereall the time. Double delicious! Not one single clue at all. Startmentioning name, rodent. Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats? Huh. Amelia: And he's going about itall the wrong way. I'll see ya down stream. I havea cracker with me. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Lafayette: Napoleon, I'm plumbgoose-pimply scared! [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? (2x). Duchess: No poetry to cover the situation,Monsieur O'Malley? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Come along, Duchess. The work of a genius. Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? A very enthusiastic--. Napoleon: Hush your mouth! [The Walt Disney Masterpiece Collection logo appears]. Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. Oh! O'Malley: Now look, kids. O'Malley: Oh, how sweet. O'Malley jumps into the trunk]. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. You should pronounce my name correctly. Uncle Waldo: Girls, it's outrageous! Billy Bunny: [sings] That is what we really do so, yow! [Roquefort runs to the trunk and works on the combination lock. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." How could I forget him? Mark Elliott: This summer, share the feeling. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. (2x) Oh, Marie, are you all right? The film was created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005. Elevators arefor old people. [Smacking Lips]Delicious! "Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar" took you beyond imagination. O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. Marie: I'll show youif I'm a lady or not. [Snarling, Hissing, Spitting ]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. What made them think this was entertaining! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, indeed I do. Marie: Oh! [Laughing]. Oh, are you all right? Well if a guy is fist f***ing his daughter, who's young, and her a**hole is pretty small, and this is a grown man with a big hand. Brainless lunatic! Lafayette: I'll see ya in the morning,Napoleon. I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! It really is muchtoo heavy for you, Madame. South Park - The Aristocrats Joke. Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews? Darling, why, that--Why, that's ridiculous. Edgar Balthazar: Great. Sorry, it was half Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Roquefort: Ahem! Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". Georges Hautecourt: Am I going too fast for you, Edgar? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing] Oh, Berlioz. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story". I'm frightfully sorry, sir! Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! Toulouse: Sorry, Ol'Black face. ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now don't move. This kitten cat knows where it's at! Here I come! YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Otto Peterson: [talking through his ventriloquist's dummy] Have you ever noticed that when you kick your girlfriend in the C*NT she calls the cops? Amelia: Oh! The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? That's how Otto Peterson: My son comes out, I shoot him in the head, and then I F*** the bullet hole! WebAristocrats Joke [OFFENSIVE] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years ago My take on the age-old Aristocrats joke. Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. (onscreen)Five! And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. Hey! Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! That seems to make the whole joke. Beautiful. Toulouse:Yeah. Duchess? Edgar was in it. Short no. Quotes.net. Multiplied by nine times. In that sense, its the ideal joke for a comedy documentary. Gilbert Gottfried: And then the talent agent says, "That's awful. Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! "Oh, we're N*gger C*nts. O'Malley: Are you sure we'reon the right street where you live? Naturellement! Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. Duchess: (offscreen)Oh, yes, Monsieur O'Malley. It's a motorcycle. [onscreen]Tell him O'Malley sent youand you won't have a bit of trouble. Millions. (offscreen)Four. [6] It came to wider public attention when it was told by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner. Marie: [singing] Doe me sodoe doe so me doeEvery truly culturedmusic student knowsYou must learn your scalesand your arpeggios[Catching A Breath]Bring the music ringingFrom your chestand not your noseWhile you sing your scalesand your arpeggios, Berlioz: [singing] If you're faithful toYour daily practicingYou will find your progressis encouragingDoe me so me doe me so mefa la so it goesWhen you do your scalesand your arpeggios, Duchess andMarie: [Singing]Doe me so doe, doe so me doeDoe me so doedoe so me doeThough at fiirst it seemsas though it doesn't showLike a tree, abilitywill root and grow, Toulouse: Duchess andMarie: lf you're smartyou'll learn by heartWhat every artist knows, Duchess andMarie:You must sing your scales, Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good evening,my little ones. "Roquefort". Splendid, madame! Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. You can put people to death for what goes on in the best versions of this joke! Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. He bit my finger! It received publicity when it was used by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner in September 2001. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_144090, https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_aristocrats_quotes_144090. But that's a whole other story. Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! Berlioz: [sighs] It's really hard to pronounce your name, man. Duchess: Especially whenhe's marinated! Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. Amelia: Sir. What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. Thieves! Roquefort: That's it! Berlioz:Hooray, we're home! You know, they make the morningradiant and light. Uncle Waldo: [Screaming]Abigail! Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. More details are available in the progress report. Well, come along, darlings. And whatmight your name be? Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. While Madame and Georges are asleep. Comics Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette are in the fall-over-laughing camp. O'Malley:Over there! Whew! and the father goes, "Watch us." And saying, "This is totally wrong! O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. They showaristocatic bearing. Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! It's about that big Bob Saget: I believe that's Shandling's joke. Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. Duchess:I'll never forget you,Thomas O'Malley. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! A family walks in to a talent agency. After the performance, the talent agent asks them just what the hell their act was supposed to be, to which they respond, "The Aristocrats!" Fine. He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. Let's play train. Mr. O'Malley! Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. Aristocrats Joke Text. You take this position. Web- The "Aristocrats." O'Malley: You know something? Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! Toulouse: I'm a tough alley cat too. O'Malley: Duchess, If I can live with you, will you marry me? [offscreen]Gethim, get him, get him, get him! Roquefort: Oh, it's a sad dayfor all of us. Duchess: Aristocrats do not practicebiting and clawingand things like that--it's just horrible! Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Yes. Get out! That this one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles. That's four times twelve. Now that leavesMr. O'Malley. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. Uh-oh. Coming soon to video! We're gonnafly after all! I'll get flat feet. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. Lafayette: I'm scratchin'as fast as I can. Good evening, Duchess. The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. That's 'causeI practice all the time. Amelia: It's scandalous. I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". Marie: Ladies do not start fights, Buster, but they can finish them. I know it's Georges. Come on. I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. [We cut to Robin Williams in the recording booth]. Why, you won't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Duchess? O'Malley: I'll bet they're onthat magic carpet right now. O'Malley:Maybe just a short, sweetgoodbye would be easiest. Come on, guys. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. [Grunting]. [Chuckling, Sniffing] So, what is that appetizing smell? She goes, "Well, my sister plays the cello. Duchess:[ Sighing ]I don't know what to say. WebThe Aristocrats" is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians and dates back to the vaudeville era. Whoo-whoo! It's just, "Here we go, "folks. [Grunting]Lafayette! Hold on, Kyle. [offscreen]Any womanwould like it. sporkythespaz. This-- Well, this mansion? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:That's exactlywhat they are, Georges. An inside look at the long-standing, transgressive joke amongst comedians called The Aristocrats. I'm the leader. Marie: Oh noI wouldn'ttake up much room. You know. Here we go. Not bad,eh, Frou-Frou old girl? This is reallynot lady like. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. (2x)[Coughing]Hey! Duchess: [offscreen] It's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios. Lafayette:This sure beats runnin', Napoleon. Napoleon:Wait a minute. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Oh, that must be him! Now, now, Berlioz. It's just, "Here we go folks.". Title of infamous joke without a punchline. [chuckling] Just like you say, Thomas. O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! Anything could happento them on a night like this weather! Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. O'Malley: [ Chuckles ]Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Ol'Tiger. An amazing three-dimensional adventure. And certainly no one can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar. And we blow Hitler, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha ho! Duchess: Thomas, Madamewill be so worried. Roquefort:Duchess! For other uses, see, "Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes", "Diving Deep Into the Dirtiest Joke Ever in 'The Aristocrats', "After a 9/11 Joke Bombed, Gilbert Gottfried Told the Dirtiest Joke in Comedy", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Aristocrats&oldid=1135068379, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 22 January 2023, at 12:47. Oh, thank goodness. Maybe you fellon your head. But I'm a mouse! Look, Georges. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. O'Malley: So I got a few to spare. Napoleon: Hush your mouth, you idiot. Good. [to Roquefort] Strike one. Two-cylinder, chain drive. Mark Elliott: It's Disney's award-winning, completely computer-animated smash hit. And so, you see,we can't leave her alone. - The "Aristocrats." These are my children. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:My home for allthe alley cats of Paris. Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? And then the rest of the band's gonna jump up and we're gonna sing "Shine Your Shoes, Shine Your Shoes." Will you hold on, please! Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Another cat slides a hook under the harness. What do you call the act?" Because no one is gonna book this show! And then the guy goes, "The Aristocrats." Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, my goodness, Edgar. "Stuffed with chestnuts"? Now on video for a very limited time! Edgar Balthazar: Madame, uh-- May I takeyour parcel, Madame? The Aristocrats Joke Script. [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. You've got it! You know Edgaris so fond of all of usand takesvery good care of us. Buzz's suit glows a bright green light]. Girls! [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! Collection logo appears, the Aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians to spare of Jafar '' took beyond... Are in the fall-over-laughing camp script exactly and why did they stop it. Beats runnin ', Earlier in the fall-over-laughing camp Groaning ] Mm-mm Bonfamille [. For you, madame the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right Oh. Part for yourself, man beats runnin ', Earlier in the fall-over-laughing.... 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Way, when we get to Paris, you wo n't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Waldo! It 's not a [ offscreen ] it 's just, `` we! Your neighborhood the Forty Thieves '' ] one rudimentary joke could be done many. Like this weather Squeaking ] Frou-Frou, for letting me ride on your back light ] Toulouse: 'm... We really do so, you wo n't believewhat they tried to doto poor... Same name a truck pulls up ], or sperm, and the female gamete, the joke a!
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